When my son was diagnosed with autism, I was surprised at the depths of grief that threatened to overwhelm me.
Even though I still had my son, I felt as if I had lost him in some
ways. The burden of mourning and moving into a new normal was not a load
I was able to carry on my own.
Thankfully, my family and friends linked arms with me, walking with
me on the road of suffering. Unfortunately, too many parents of children
with autism walk the road alone. If you know a friend or family member
who is facing a child’s difficult diagnosis, you have a unique and
tangible opportunity to help them.
What you can do:
Listen – You may feel an uneasiness about reaching out
because you don’t know what to say. It’s important to remember that
there are no perfect words that are going to make things better for the
parent. It is through asking questions and listening that you can best
help them. Asking open-ended questions such as, “How are you handling
the diagnosis?” or “What are the challenges you are facing?” are good
starting points.
Don’t Offer Advice - Parents of children with autism
often receive unsolicited advice concerning their child’s behavior, the
causes of autism, and options for therapy. Because of this, there is a
wariness to talk about it.
As you begin an empathetic dialogue with your loved one, withhold
your opinions and judgments unless you are asked for them. The parent is
most likely weary and needs as much encouragement and grace as she can
get. Offering advice will only cut off your opportunity to help her.
Offer Tangible Help – The physical, emotional, and
spiritual toll that comes with an autism diagnosis can be overwhelming,
especially when the parent has other children to care for. Offer
specific ways that you’d like to help ease the burden.
Take the family a meal. Plan a Girls-Night-Out and provide
babysitting. Offer to keep her kids overnight so the parents can have
time together. Go to her house once a week at a set time to play with
the child while she runs errands.
Provide Spiritual Encouragement – The best way to
bless your loved one is to consistently pray for her. I still reread the
emails and cards that people sent telling me the specific things they
were praying for my son and for me. They offered me scripture that
reminded me of God’s faithfulness and provision. They spoke of their
love for my son. And they encouraged me to continue to be faithful
despite my circumstances.
When parents are grieving an autism diagnosis, you cannot take away their pain completely, but your intentional care will help them grieve with hope. It will also open up opportunities to share the ultimate comfort with those who are at a point of crisis and desperation for hope.
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